I remember this moment like it was yesterday. I had been told I was pregnant, that I may or many not miscarry. I remember getting off a shift at Nixon’s Coffee House and walking up the stairs to our apartment. I remember moving slowly, as if every movement could break the precious life I prayed for. I remember laying on our bed and watching the snow fall in gentle spirals outside. I remember curling up and praying for my first pregnancy.
That was one year ago, give or take a few days. I thank God for the difficult things that we go through. I thank God for giving me a heart that was bigger than I could have thought, only discovered through pain and heartbreak. But God is good, even through loss. I didn’t know I could love someone so tiny. I couldn’t know the pain God goes through who he loses one of us.
So this month I celebrate the pain and the joy of our lives and both my pregnancies this past year. I pray for mothers, with children living and dead. I thank the Mother of us all, who mourns the loss of every baby. Lord have mercy on us.